Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
