no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
