dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
