I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
