new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize