i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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