i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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