I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I could make wine with my vomit
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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