I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
