The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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