if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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