How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
