I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
