So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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