I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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