First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
