Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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