allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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