I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
