i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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