dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
