is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm bleeding and have questions
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