fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
