After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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