Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
