explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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