I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
