There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
