Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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