Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize