The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
