you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
