For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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