There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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