There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
