she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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