You're a womanizer and a bitch.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
