Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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