I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
