Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
