We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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