the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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