and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
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Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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