why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
