That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
