So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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