I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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