I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
