Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
