Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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