my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
where does the pee come out of this thing
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
