Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
