what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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