how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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