Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
