you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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