College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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