I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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