i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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