R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
