woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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