I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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