I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
