I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
