I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize