The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
