new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
