you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm bleeding and have questions
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
